Friday, June 24, 2011

Quest for Turkey Legs!

I have no idea why a fully-grown human being would want to walk around an amusement park eating a ridiculous, over-sized turkey leg. You know exactly what I am talking about - the slob from some Nebraska back-water walking through Cinderella's castle with his faded "Property of the Minnesota Vikings" t-shirt stuffing his pie hole with a great, big piece of poultry (is turkey poultry? Who cares...). Grease dripping down his chin and running down his arm. He doesn't just look like a fool, he looks like a damn fool.

But the same can not be said for the same man if he was in a ball park. That is where you go to get idiotic food. Jumbo hot dogs. Terrible heat-lamped pizza. Tubs of cheese fries with enough cholesterol to clog the heart of a humpback whale. And, yes, even a turkey leg. You still may look like a dope - like you belong ogling big-breasted wenches at a Renaissance fair - but it is a bit more acceptable at a stadium.

That being said - where do you get the blasted things at Yankee Stadium?! I have looked high and low trying to get my hands on one. This after seeing a damn fool eating one on the giant monitor. But where do I go? I looked high and low, east and west, but no legs. I asked security guards, ushers, ticket takers, other concessionaires... nothing. Not even Yankee employees could tell me where to find the succulent appendage. The best I got was, "They must be here. They just showed it on the big screen." Duh! I guess that is why you're scanning tickets and not the Secretary of State.

If anyone has any advice on where to find this phantom, please let me know. I am going to the Stadium tomorrow and will report back.